Posted in Thoughts

A life-changing year!

(This post was written November of 2024)

If someone had told me in 2022 that 2024 would bring me—not quite full circle, since I’ve never been here before, but here, to a place where happiness and contentment actually live—I wouldn’t have believed them for a second. Not a chance. That kind of thing is for storybooks or rom-coms that only exist on the big screen.

What began in the fall of 2023 as an e-Harmony connection with someone who lived two hours away has blossomed into a life with someone I could have only dreamed of—and often envied in others. Now that 2024 is drawing to a close, it feels like the perfect time to reflect and write it all down, if only to preserve these moments forever.

After being invited to move in with him, I packed up my beach life and embraced a new chapter with my new love in April. In May and June, I spent three wonderful weeks in Ireland on a pre-planned family trip. Then, in July, he and I set out together on an incredible two-month adventure visiting our family and friends from Florida to Michigan, including a big family reunion in Grand Rapids. It was an unforgettable journey of connections for both of us.

In September, we traveled to St. Simons Island, just south of Savannah, Georgia, for a week-long reunion with his siblings. It was a chance for me to get to know his family better and see the place where they had vacationed as kids.

October took us to Oklahoma, where we visited my son’s family and enjoyed the grandkids’ extracurricular activities. For Thanksgiving, we flew to Sacramento and drove to the charming town of Jackson, California, to celebrate with his daughter and her family. While there, we took advantage of our location with a visit to Lake Tahoe, the local wineries and the indescribable tall trees!

And now it’s December. With all the travel, we decided to stay closer to home for the holidays. We’ll be spending Christmas in the oldest city in the country, St. Augustine, Florida, probably THE best place to immerse yourself in the holiday spirit.

Not a bad year at all—and certainly not one I could have predicted for myself. But after reading The Secret, I suppose it shouldn’t have been such a surprise. If you take nothing else from this blog entry, take this: read that book. It truly can be life-changing.

It HAS been life-changing!

Posted in Family, Mom, Moving forward, Thoughts

She’s right here.

I was treated by my cousin Julie to a psychic reading by a medium named Lori Lipton. Because we lived far apart, we did it via Zoom the last week of March. (Mom died March 7, 2024.) To say she was nothing short of amazing and the real thing would be to somehow minimize this meeting.

She began within minutes; in fact, she said so many people were coming through that she was just going to get right to it.

Mom was there immediately, then Dad, then someone she believed was Mom’s brother, and then Gramma Binsfeld.

She said Mom looked just beautiful, but not in the earthly sense; more like angelic. ‘Did we share a name’? (My middle name is hers.) She said Mom seemed very strong for someone who had just passed. She talked about her very, very strong faith, about the Blessed Mother, her love of Jesus.

She said Dad was the love of her life. She saw music between them. She said they were like notes who completed a beautiful chord. “Was there a nickname? I keep hearing – it doesn’t make any sense to me – Okie? Okie- … is it Okie-Dokie’?

Mom was just SO HAPPY! ‘She can’t believe she can be heard!And she wanted me to know It’s real! There absolutely IS a heaven!!”

Lori relayed, She is so grateful for her family. She keeps saying the word, ‘Lucky.’ ‘Are we LUCKY?!’ I laughed and showed her my tattoo (in Mom’s handwriting, her favorite saying, “Are we lucky – or WOT!”). I showed her Dad’s Smile tattoo. She loved them but said, ‘Your mom doesn’t really like tattoos; she doesn’t know why anyone would do that to their bodies, but she really likes the sentiment.’ I told her Mom had said those exact words to me so many times about ‘someone doing that to their bodies.’ But she never said it directly to anyone who got one.

She mentioned there was a special place on a lake. (She spent her childhood summers on Lake Huron.)

Dad – He was very responsible. He said, about his kids, “If God believes I can have 11 kids, then I can!” She said, “He showed you the way and left it to you to follow.” At the end, he was finally glad to go and was so grateful he went with dignity. They both were.

And then on to me:

I had to say my complete name three times. She said almost immediately but hesitantly, “The Jackson name does not resonate with you.” “Your mom is very disappointed in him.” Then, “He is not who he claimed to be.”

From both Mom and Dad, “Throw that guy out. It’s time to cut your losses, protect your assets. The house is yours if you want it. It’s yours” I had not mentioned anything about the house yet but later learned that the deed was ‘and/or’.

From Mom, You need to see who you are. You deserve to be here.”

From Dad, “Be fair…as long as you win.”(LOL!)

About Dad:

“He’s very funny. He says he looks about 20 years younger than when he passed.” I asked if I showed her a picture of him would she recognize him; she said sure! I showed her the black and white one we all like. Then she started laughing, kept trying to tell me what he was saying but couldn’t get it out from laughing. She finally said, “He says to tell you he’s even better looking now!”

I asked about Meg:

“Do you share a name with your daughter?” (Our middle names.) “She’s very supportive of you.” She said that Meg would marry, but not until she was in her early 40’s. It will be a wonderful love.

I asked about Amy: “Did she have cancer?” Yes. “I’m seeing something about hair.” I said Amy had asked me to shave the rest of her head when she lost her hair to chemo. “She fought a very tough battle. She loved your mom so much.”

It went on for an hour – the fastest hour ever, I might add. When it was over and done, I had such a feeling of complete happiness. She only confirmed what I already knew, that Mom is here with me always. I talk to her all the time. She helps me find things and reminds me what’s important when my mind wanders too much. And while I grieve her loss, I don’t feel like I miss her in the typical sense. I can’t. She’s right here.

Right here.
Posted in Childhood, Family

Close to heaven.

When my sister and I were in our early teens, we were lucky enough to have horses. Well, a horse. We boarded several, but we owned Clancy, a sable-brown thoroughbred with the temperament of a big lab. He was tall and gentle and surprisingly patient with a couple young girls learning to ride bareback through the fields around our home. Our neighbor friends boarded a couple of their horses, as well, and one of them was really smart. Clipper could open the door to the stalls at will. Thankfully there was a paddock around the small barn that housed him and the others. But every once in awhile, it didn’t matter.

More than once the phone would ring in the middle of the night, and the convent nuns would be calling to tell us our horses were in their field again. Mom would come wake Kathleen and me and tell us to go get them. We lived in a very small town at that time, quiet and rural. This particular summer night, Kathy, in shorts and her PJ top, and me, in my kelly-green baby doll pajamas and tennis shoes, walked the half mile, bridles in hand, to the church yard where we found our two errant horses nibbling away on the green grass.

I have the sweetest most vivid memory of she and I atop those two horses climbing the hill towards home, hooves slowly sounding their ‘clip-clop’ down the dirt road. It had to be near midnight, but we didn’t need flashlights. Back then, with few lights for distraction, the dark sky had set off the brilliant stars and the Milky Way, creating an atmosphere so peaceful, I never wanted it to end. Letting the horses find their way, our heads tilted back looking at the deep, vast, star-filled sky, it was probably as close to heaven as I’ve ever been.