Author: kokomeau

Posted in Randomness, Thoughts

Richmond

Posted on by kokomeau
8 E. Broad St.

Richmond, Virginia, May 30, 2020. I drove with Meg to her latest travel gig then planned on a flight home on Sunday. She’d found a beautiful studio in the historic district of downtown Richmond, second floor of a building circa 1870 with 12′ ceilings and tall windows, hardwood floors and updated everything. I loved it for her! She was actually born in Richmond, though she left at only three months old. Still, we joked about her coming back to her birthplace and learning all about the area.

We had the landlords for dinner Friday night and had a great time. Later that evening, we found ourselves with front row seats to the first night of protests after the killing of George Floyd (*Note, this Wiki article on Mr. Floyd has interestingly removed any previous mention of him holding a pistol to the belly of a pregnant woman he assaulted.) At first I was rather impressed with how organized and peaceful it all seemed. Meg and I were hanging out our windows listening to the cadence of chants and watching history being made. People were shouting, cars were honking, but it was peaceful. The next night, though, what began peacefully in the evening hours, became something entirely different as midnight approached. There was a palpable change in the atmosphere. An ugly mood seemed to take over where the peaceful protesting left off. Suddenly I was nervous about having our windows open, and I proceeded to darken our room so we couldn’t be seen.

Photo by Steve Helber

Police in SWAT gear quietly moved in and blocked a cross street between Broad and Grace, mostly watching and waiting as if alerted to something we weren’t aware of yet. Helicopters hovered over the city, and there was an eerie almost movie-set quality to the scene. A GRTC bus had been set ablaze along with a RiteAid store. A block over, dumpsters were ignited and tear gas was deployed. The pawn shop below us became a target, and thugs attempted to break in from both the front where it was caged and the back where it had a steel vault-type door. I saw several cops come running after them, one had his rifle drawn. They were chased away, but only temporarily.

The tension was ridiculous. When you hear the words, ‘things are fluid,’ you think you know what that means. But when you’re on the front line of a near riot, it’s the perfect description. The quiet becomes ominous. The adrenaline starts pumping, and fear, at least for me, outweighs curiosity. Meg was bolder, brasher … and angry. Around 3:00 a.m., via OnStar, she had discovered they’d gone through the parking lot behind our building and trashed and looted every vehicle, including her new GMC Terrain. She’d taken a video, which meant she could see them, and they could see her. Desperately trying to make her see sense, I reminded her it was just a car. It was just a car.

I was scheduled to fly out the next evening. Hating to leaving her there, I was grateful to the landlords who took her under their wing. They boarded up the first floors of their downtown buildings, and they had Meg and Luna stay with them a couple nights while she started her new job. The hospital, just a few blocks away on the same historic street, let her leave work early that first week to avoid any danger. Poor Luna, her anxiety apparent, has slowly begun to adjust to her location with the help of new friends and a wonderful doggie daycare just across the street from the apartment. Things have calmed down, but Meg hasn’t. She can’t sleep. Even though her building is quite secure, she doesn’t feel safe. Every night or weekend holds the the quiet threat of the unknown. This is an historic area with lots of reminders of the Confederacy and all it stood for. There continues to be organized, peaceful gatherings nearby, but thankfully her street has remained relatively quiet. Three weeks later her car is still being repaired. The landlord has put an extra lock on her door, and she bought security cameras for inside her place. She had been so looking forward to her time there. She’s met some great people and made several new friends right in her building. But it has certainly not been at all what she expected.

We’re going up to visit her in July. Maybe that’ll add some normalcy and fun to her time there. I hope so. It’s still a beautiful area, but I’ll be glad when she’s back in Florida again.

Posted in Randomness

Two months later

Posted on by kokomeau

It’s been two months since my last post. Two months of COVID life and living (or not). It blows my mind how much can happen in just a matter of weeks. Before COVID, the TV was all about politics and the opinions of talking heads. I refuse to call it news anymore since, IMO, honest and factual news went out with Walter Cronkite.

The pandemic erased politics, and anyone openly complaining about it seemed uncaring and uninformed. We were blasted 24/7 with number of deaths (not number of recoveries) nationally and worldwide. Even deaths from the complications of other major illnesses became COVID-related deaths. (There was more money to be made that way.) Ventilators became SOP. (There was more money to be made that way. ) Face masks became the norm. (OSHA would disagree.) Social distancing, hand sanitizer, masks and percentages, vaccines, testing, checkpoints…these all became the norm.

Enter George Floyd, (*Note, this Wiki article on Mr. Floyd has interestingly removed any previous mention of him holding a pistol to the belly of a pregnant woman he assaulted.) and COVID took a place in the background. Suddenly social media wasn’t so social anymore. Friends were unfriended and families divided. Justice, injustice, tolerance, misunderstanding, lines drawn in the sand. Terrible images of American history were being destroyed while Hollywood started apologizing. Panderers embarrassed themselves. Marches, protests, Antifa, systemic racism. Suddenly, apparently, black lives mattered more than COVID deaths.

Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying what happened to Mr. Floyd wasn’t wrong. It was very wrong. And while I agree black lives matter and I applaud the demonstrators in their peaceful movement, the difficulty for me is what’s getting lost or ignored in the movement. I cannot understand for the life of me how intelligent people of all races and ethnicity don’t see that this is being used for political gain by the very people they believe are on their side. Why are we still our color or our race? Why haven’t we learned from the horrible riots of the ’60s that ravaged the country from Los Angeles to Newark and Detroit to Miami? Did Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy die in vain? We had President Obama in office for eight years! Seriously, after all of that, if things haven’t changed, don’t you wonder why? Let’s ask ourselves, WHY HAVEN’T THINGS CHANGED? Who is perpetuating this division? And more importantly, why?

Using race as part of our identity keeps the division alive!

Morgan Freeman has it right: “I’m going to stop calling you a white man, and I’m going to ask you to stop calling me a black man.” Can’t it be just that simple as a place to start? “Black lives matter.” Think about it.

Posted in Thoughts

Struggling

Posted on by kokomeau

Our new vocabulary: COVID-19, flatten the curve, coronavirus, Muhan, China. I can’t say I would have missed any of these words had I never heard them uttered. What they have caused worldwide is indescribable. They keep saying we’ll get through this, and I know that’s true, but I do believe there will be a new normal at the other end. And while we’re in the midst of it with so many unknowns and so many restrictions on living a life; seeing our plans fall by the wayside, being unable to to do so many things we used to take for granted; well, I realize some of us handle it better than others.

Social media can be such an eye-opener. People post such deep, philosophical thoughts – typically someone else’s – and then others ‘Like’ them or ‘Heart’ them or whatever. I read them trying to imagine myself posting similar things, and I find myself literally tearing up, unable to form a coherent thought or opinion about them or even caring to. Rather, I find myself at the precipice of the ‘rabbit hole’, a term a friend and I coined that describes that almost irresistible tunnel one can fall into with almost no will to stop. And at the bottom of that hole is darkness.

I know we’ve all been there. I was there for many years until my only feeling was the non-feeling of apathy. I haven’t been there in awhile. But I now catch myself at the edge, recognizing the danger and pulling myself back from it. I do all the things I would suggest to someone with my mindset. I keep busy, I ride my bike, I pray, I read and knit and do crossword puzzles. I occasionally allow myself to sit in my car at the beach with the windows open and let the negative ions try and balance what’s going on inside. A string of pelicans alongside me can bring a smile to my face. The ocean does seem bluer at times, and the vacant streets make it a pleasure to drive through our normally bustling vintage beach town. Driving home I play music and make a feeble attempt to sing along. Once there, tv news is avoided, though I will admit it’s time to ban it from my phone, as well. I cannot affect it, but it can certainly affect me.

A good movie in the evening helps. A good night’s sleep would help even more. I feel like an ungrateful child, telling my inner self to pull up my big-girl panties and knock it off. I have my mom here and David, both amazingly cheerful no matter what. And even though I feel as if I’m breaking some law, I do see my grandkids once in awhile and even some friends. I’m one of the very lucky ones, and I know it. I absolutely do know it.

But right now, like a million others, I’m just struggling.

Posted in Thoughts

It’s Like a Bad Movie

Posted on by kokomeau

Well, here I was all ready to write about the various visits from family, when suddenly there’s new words in my vocabulary and a (hopefully temporary) new way of life.

I don’t watch the news anymore; I haven’t in quite a long time since there’s really not a thing I can do about what’s out there anyway. But when it directly affects me and mine, then I read as much as I can, avoiding the sky-is-falling sites, and go from there. This COVID-19 thing affects me and mine.

Suddenly it feels like we’re in a really bad sci-fi movie. We are, for the most part, confined to our homes. Playgrounds and beaches (beaches!) are closed. Shopping centers, amusement parks, theaters, gyms; you name it, they’re closed. In fact, unless you’re a grocery store or restaurant that can offer take-out, you’re closed (or will be). Even the almighty Amazon has had to change the way they’re doing business, focusing now on getting the essentials to those who absolutely need them and relegating the inessentials to an unknown distant delivery date. Bad human behavior has shown itself to be as diverse in its volatility as any B movie could conjure up. In fact, if someone had written into this movie that across the globe people would be hoarding toilet paper, would you have believed it? Wouldn’t you have wondered, ‘Who writes this crap’?

I just read two disturbing things regarding human behavior. In the first, a woman deliberately coughed, sneezed, and spit on $35,000 worth of food in a grocery store forcing the store to dispose of it. And this was intentional! The second involved a masked customer who was irate because he felt that an associate was ‘giving him attitude.’ When asked to leave the store, the man removed his mask and yelled and spit in the manager’s face! Really?

At the same time I read heroic and inspiring stories of the selfless men and women in healthcare and public safety who, despite their odds of contracting this wicked virus, continue to do their jobs day and night. I hear of the good neighbors willing to share what they have. I’m enjoying the plentiful impromptu videos musicians are sharing online just trying to ‘do their part’. Thankfully this list is long and encouraging, if you look for it.

While I can’t say this is the avenue I would have chosen, some of the consequences of this vile thing are not necessarily bad. Interestingly enough, the ozone is healing, there is little or no smog in the formerly polluted air around the world. Families are spending unprecedented time together, people are working from home and kids are learning online.

Will this be our new normal? Outside of the inconvenience of not having our swimming pool, card games, and social activities available, outside of not being able to see my family and friends right now, it’s been rather interesting. Gas is cheaper, traffic is lighter. Will people realize perhaps some of the good that has happened? Look at the projects getting done, the new hobbies taken up or rediscovered, the creativity that is drawn from having to find new and interesting ways to keep kids occupied. Parents are on social media sharing ideas and commiserating with with each other. We’re so used to ‘plugging in’ when things get to be too much that we forget what it was like before this technology arrived that has robbed curiosity and creativity. I’ve seen more interesting and creative ideas on social media than I ever did before! (Now if I could just find a store open for supplies…)

Check this out for some perspective:

Posted in Family

A Win-Win Winter!

Posted on by kokomeau

I’m sorry, Ben, but I beg to differ.

While I’ve certainly heard this little ditty quite a bit over the years, try as I might, I can only remember one instance where I found it to be true, and that was the result of a horrible miscalculation on my part that caused an invited guest to stay long past the originally planned time frame. Totally my bad.

This past January found us moving to our (hopefully) forever home and bringing my 93-year-old mother along with us to enjoy the sun and warmth of Florida out of the cold winter months of northern Michigan. Owing, I believe, to her advanced age and an unknown future, we’ve found ourselves hosting lots of family and friends and enjoying sharing the sun, the beach, the great restaurants, and of course Mom.

When Mom first arrived near the beginning of January, she seemed confused by exactly how long she was staying, repeatedly quoting the above ditty most every day until finally, finally, she seemed to accept the fact that she was indeed here for the winter and that, yes, it was all right with Sean.

Every morning finds her at the table in the front window with her cup of coffee exclaiming how beautiful the sunshine is, how lovely the area and how lucky we are to live here. Before her computer bridge game, we check her email, and if nothing is new, she’ll say, “Well, out of sight, out of mind.” It’s then I remind her how many have come and how many will be coming, until she says, “Am I lucky or WOT!”

I’m lucky in David, too, who enjoys having guests as much as I do. I can’t think of anyone who has been here or who is planning a visit who is difficult to have. We’re pretty easygoing, and we find that perhaps because of that, company is easy to have. Everyone pitches in, no one is demanding, each person adds to the fun, and it’s so gratifying to watch how much Mom enjoys seeing them.

I know it’ll be a long, hot summer. People rarely visit during those months, and Mom will be back at her TC home enjoying the beauty of a northern Michigan summer. I’m gathering these moments as they come, enjoying the novelty of each visitor, hoping everyone is comfortable, well fed, watered (David’s department), and glad they came. As an added benefit of Mom being the draw, I get some great one-on-one time with some of my siblings I may not have had otherwise. It’s a win-win winter no matter which way you look at it!

There’s more family…and more pics…to come!

Posted in Randomness

Well, 2020 hasn’t disappointed yet.

Posted on by kokomeau
  • 1/1/20 Happy New Year!
  • 1/5/20 Mom arrives after six-hour delay out of Traverse City.
  • 1/6/20 Learn we have an accepted offer on a new home in Plantation Oaks.
  • 1/10/20 Phone interview for new transcription job.
  • 1/11/20 Notified that my condo tenant committed suicide and now prepping condo for sale.
  • 1/13/20 Job offer with Allegis Transcription.
  • 1/15/20 Start date with Allegis coach x three days (keeping in mind said coach and entire Allegis support team is on Pacific Standard Time).
  • 1/20/20 Released from coaching and offered remote transcription position as independent contractor, minimum 100 pages per week.
  • 1/20/20 House closing.
  • 1/22/20 Let’s move NOW – First night in new home.
  • 1/23/20 Making earnest attempt to get required pages in while moving and unpacking.
  • 1/26/20 Small birthday celebration at new home for friend.
  • 1/31/20 Brian and Laurie stop by on their way north.
  • 2/8/20 Pretty settled in now. Up at 6:30 and working till 10:00, finally able to breathe.

And so now it’s time to relax a bit, enjoy our new home knowing it’s our last move. I relish having my 93-year-old mother here for the winter and take great pleasure in watching her with her great-granddaughters. She sleeps late, plays computer bridge, does crossword puzzles and reads Danielle Steele to her heart’s content. We’re on the second go-round with the entire Downton Abbey series (thank you, David). I know this time is precious, and I want to be present for all of it.

Posted in Family, Florida Fun

A Different Disney Magic

Posted on by kokomeau

When the magic of Disney and the magic of the Christmas season blend together, it can create the most wonderful time of the year in more ways than one.

This year I was lucky enough to be together with all my kids just a few days before Christmas. My Oklahoma son Drew and his family would be spending Christmas week at Disney World with his in-laws, probably the best people with which to ever experience Disney, and they had arranged for an altogether brunch at Raglan Road in Disney Springs the weekend before Christmas Day.

It was everything I could have hoped for. I’d brought the OK (but great) kids some small gifts recommended by their parents, and they all seemed to be a hit. Seeing my kids together with their kids, the interaction between cousins, aunts and uncles not often experienced, gave me such pleasure.

When I was a younger adult, 30’s to 40’s, whenever our huge family was together, my mom would say how she loved just watching us. She didn’t need to get involved; she simply got joy from watching her kids.

I’d have to agree, that is a magic all its own.

Posted in Family, Meg

My Forever Friend

Posted on by kokomeau

I have one daughter. She and her older brother actually had the same due date two years apart. He came early, she came late. I knew I was having a girl even before she was born. And once I figured out she was lactose intolerant, she thrived, eventually becoming her brother’s shadow, sidekick, and rescue (twice, to be exact). There’s a reason God gave me only one daughter. As I’ve said repeatedly, this one was like having three.

If you’ve ever had a strong-willed child, you’ll understand the fine line that must be navigated constantly so as not to discourage independence, while at the same time keeping your daughter safe. Beginning around the age of five, Meg loved to explore; usually public places that had restrooms. She loved the freedom to leave the group and find it on her own, making her way back with barely dry hands and a proud smile. What she wasn’t aware of was a parent was always discreetly behind her, making sure she was safe .

Meg has always been a ridiculously social being. Once, in the comments section of her report card, the teacher tactfully wrote, “Meghan excels socially.” School wasn’t so much for learning as it was to mingle among her peers. Rather than sit and watch a movie at the theater, she was more interested in seeing who else was there so she could sit with them.

Our relationship was a seesaw of joy and frustration, probably on both our parts. Through her teen years, letting her learn through real-life consequences was probably the most difficult part of mothering this child. But because of that, she has become one of the most independent, courageous, generous and loving adults I’ve ever known. We’ve grown from mother and daughter to best friends (always keeping in mind I get to play the ‘mom’ card if necessary). She is still strong-willed, but she has learned through trial and error to temper her opinions and understand that tactfulness is an art.

After traveling the country in her job, she has finally settled just over an hour from me, and we see each other as often as we can. We enjoy morning coffee, shopping, and talking about everything. We travel well together liking the same music, the same off-road attractions. She’s grown through health issues, job issues, and family issues, and her cup is always optimistically half full. And while she claims she still isn’t where she hoped she would be at this time in her life, God’s timing isn’t our timing. I tell her be patient. Believe. Have faith. And I think she does. I think she is right where she belongs.

There’s that old mom’s saying, “I hope you have a child just like you!” Well, I kind of do and I kind of don’t. While she’s like me in many ways, Meg has more confidence, more generosity, and more strength than I ever had. And she is my forever friend.

Happy birthday, my Meg.